What Do We Mean by "Good" Person?

Allow me to get to the point of this post through a story.

     It was 8:30 P.M. in the evening. Lilly's legs were aching from all the walking in her heels, her bared skin still chilled from the cold air conditioner of the BMW she just got out of. She half-regretted wearing a dress that was so revealing. It was her date night with a guy she met at a bar three days ago. As Lilly entered her dorm room, her roommate Ryla jumped out of her chair while reading, showing excitement for her friend she knew since her freshman year. Ryla felt jealous toward her friend, envious of how her friend goes on dates while she sits around scrolling through Facebook photos of engagement pictures all day, how her friend seemed to be liked by guys more than she is. But she learned to hide such dispositions long time ago.

     "So, how was it?" Ryla asked. 

     "It was good!" Lilly said with a smile on her face. "We just ate at this fancy place in midtown. Their shrimp pasta was fantastic."

     "A place at midtown? He must be really rich."

     "Yeah, he drives a BMW."

     "Nice!" Ryla exclaimed, still hiding her jealousy from her friend. "How did it end? A hug?" she asked. 

     "Well, his car was really cold," lilly said, chuckling. "When he saw me shivering, he put his arm around me and rubbed my arm."

     "And he went for a kiss?"

     "I think he was going to, but I got out of the car and told him 'goodbye'," Lilly said, rolling her eyes. 

     "Yeah, a kiss on a first date seems a bit rushed," Ryla said, relieved that her friend did not get to kiss a handsome rich guy, her envy still guised as happiness for her friend. "So, how was he overall?"

     "He's a really good guy!" Lilly replied.

     "So, are you gonna go out on a second date?" 

     "No," Lilly said. "I'm gonna refuse next time he reaches out. Something didn't really feel right."

     "You said he's a good guy. Why don't you give him another try? 

     "I don't know," Lilly said, letting out a sigh. "I mean, I had fun, but he just didn't feel right." 

     Ryla scoffed. "Is that your dad's cop instincts coming out of you?" 

     "Maybe," Lilly said, laughing. 

     Dumb bitch, Ryla thought. She had been stalking the guy on Facebook. She thought that the guy was settling for Lilly. To Ryla, he was too attractive to date a girl like Lilly. Lilly was a perfectly average-looking girl, but the guy looked like a model, like one of those young CEOs in movies. Perhaps it's good that Lilly won't go for him. An attractive guy like him would go wasted on the shy prudes like Lilly. After all, he seemed far higher in caliber than the kind of guys that usually ask out Lilly. 

     "Well, I hope you don't regret after you reject him," Ryla said, smiling. "I've seen regretting girls go crazy over a guy. And it's not pretty"

     "Oh, I don't think I will," Lilly said.
     After going into a deep thought for a while, Lilly said, "Hey, Ryla."
     "Yeah?" Ryla answered.
     "Did I make a mistake by going on a date with a guy I barely know?"
     "No, there's nothing wrong with having a little fun."
     Ryla said it with no thought as to the character of the guy might not be good, not knowing herself the fact that her prudential judgment failed out of her desperation for the kind of "fun" she was so envious of. A part of her imprudence and naivete was perhaps influenced by romanticizing modern "romances" like Fifty Shades of Grey.
     Despite her roommate's naivete, Lilly's conscience told her otherwise.

     A "good guy," Lilly said. Little did she know that the guy she went on a date with raped his then-girlfriend in his senior year in high school. In his sophomore year in college, he committed another crime of the same kind at a fraternity party. In his senior year in college, he committed the act for the third time. The reason he has yet to have been pressed with charges is that he manipulated his highschool ex into half-believing that the crime was actually consensual; the girl did not make a move to press charges out of her uncertainty. Second time around, the victim was unconscious, waking up thinking that it was a consensual one-night-stand. The third time around, the victim did not want her college life to be interfered. 

     He is now graduated, working at a business firm near the university Lilly attends. He was hired to work there as soon as he graduated, thanks to his connections in his fraternity. In between Lilly and his high school days, he would go around having one-night-stands as many as he could. He was wealthy and naturally gifted with his looks. He had plenty of resources to decieve his way through women seeking the novelty of fancy dates, and also to guilt-trip women into doing what he wants. The more expensive the dates, the more obligated the women felt to do whatever he wants.
     By now, he had much of such a predatory instinct honed, being able to tell intuitively the kind of insecure women who would fall for his tricks and guises, the ones that are so anxious to be dating to a point where their intuitions fail them. Indeed, he purposefully made his car into a freezer in order to put his arm around Lilly like so many of the girls before. Had Lilly not been able to quickly get out of her car, he would have played out his usual routine, escalating from his right arm around the prey to whatever he desired for the night. Lilly was right. He would have gone for a proper hug... but also far beyond it. Had Ryla known all this, she would not be so envious of her roommate.  

     One thing I'd like for us to focus is how Lilly characterised the guy as a "good guy," a guy she spent three hours with total. A wealth of psychological/sociological studies show that we lie often. I will not even link a source to where I found these studies for there are too many for you to miss from simple Google search (and searching your own conscience). Most of them are insignificant; they are mere fibs (men do more often than women). But these "fibs" are made out of impulse, especially on dates. A man whose end goal is sex, therefore, would lie through his teeth to someone they are hoping to sleep with as soon as possible. They would tell you that their end goal of dating is to settle down and start a family, but chances are, they would be lying through their teeth. Now, the guy would surely have deployed all the skills necessary to hide his ill-intent. On Lilly's part, she would need the intuition of the best criminal profiler in the world to spot all the fishy gestures the guy unconsciously slipped by to realize that he is a predatory individual. Even then, three hours maximum might not be enough to spot sufficient amount of gestures. It takes people (excluding the ones who are naturally gifted...or cursed) hours upon hours of time spent with another to know and become accountable to each other. 

     Regardless of all his crimes and all the lies he told her over the course of three hours, Lilly has still characterized the guy as a "really good guy." She would not be at a fault, of course. The vast majority of people pass judgments of character based on how much fun they have. Only in reasoning things out do we find that it would be too hasty to call a person good or bad in most situations. Perhaps it is the case that, when we say that someone is good or bad, we are not passing character judgments. More accurately, we are stating our preferences of certain moments. It is easy to call psychopaths with consistent criminal behaviors shown all over the TV "bad," but not so easy when that same psychopath starts giving money to the poor and when we do not know of his crimes. I believe that even psychologists lack the right to judge a person to be "good" in most cases; only a book-length behavioral profile of an individual would be reasonably sufficient to pass such judgments. Afterall, isn't Lilly's roommate Ryla "bad" in being so envious of her friend? 

     The story above is fictional, yes. The names and further details are made up. But not entirely. The basic outline of the story is true in many aspects for I have compiled different parts of different true stories, especially the worst parts. Scenarios like this happen everyday against too many women. I will not specify which parts are true; I'll let your thoughts take guesses. Considering the reality of it all, from having imprudent and jealous friends to going on dates with criminals, it is therefore saddening that some of our human interactions can fall to such dangers. The story is an extreme example, to be sure, the kind that makes every father's, brother's, and loyal friend's spines chilled and fists clench. Yet does it not represent how we are so quick to trust people? Is it not characteristic of the kind of naivete we display in being drawn to a person either as a friend or as a romantic interest in mere hours, sometimes in minutes? Personally, I know of too many stories where the ending was not so fortunate... 

     Would we be so pessimistic to suspend judgment on how good or how bad a person is? Or is it prudent? I cannot say. A part of me wants to believe that people I love are "good," and I compliment them accordingly. Yet I am fully aware that there are twisted parts of them that qualify them as "bad" just as well, especially the parts that lie and betray, the parts that will hurt me the most. Am I naive or virtuous in wanting to believe in my loved ones like such, pushing the bad parts of them out of my memory? I cannot say.

     As a closing statement, I want to mention the following. The point of this post is not to argue whether or not we ought to go on dates with a person we barely know, and whether there are prudential ways of navigating the modern dating culture which promotes impulsive behaviors and breeds insecurities. What I am suggesting is to point out by extreme example how quickly we pass judgments on people we have fun with as "good," and how unknowingly toxic such practices can be. Further, by using the story as an example, I want to point out how such a practice can be dangerous and imprudential.